Moving countries taught me how to adapt. Running a business is teaching me when not to.

When I moved from Italy to Copenhagen, I became very good at reading a room. I learnt when people expected me to speak up and when they expected me to wait, how direct I could be in an email, and which jokes didn’t survive translation. Most expats I know have built the same muscle. It’s how you get through the first few years, and it’s a big part of why internationals are often so good at their jobs.

What I didn’t expect was how much that habit would get in my way when I started my own business.

In the first months, I adapted to everything. I’d see another coach doing something completely different and rewrite my offer the same evening. I spent hours on a logo for a business I hadn’t even named yet, because that seemed to be what businesses did. Every piece of feedback felt like a reason to change direction, because changing direction was what I’d trained myself to do.

It took me a while to see that the skill that had served me so well abroad was now making me disappear. A business needs a point of view, and a point of view means deciding that some feedback isn’t for you.

Things started to move when I stopped trying to think my way into the perfect business. I stopped creating things for clients I hadn’t spoken to yet, and started testing ideas in real conversations instead of refining them on my own. Three months later I had a clear direction. Six months later I’d built my coaching business from scratch.

I still adapt, of course. I don’t think you can live abroad for a decade and lose it. But I’ve started to notice the moments when I’m adapting out of habit rather than because it’s the right call, and those moments are usually the ones worth slowing down for.

Part of me always wants to go back to Italy. Then I remember that I’d be a different person going back, and probably a different business owner too.